i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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