JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
