I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
