Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
