She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
