You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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