so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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