if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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