The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
