I bet he comes in French.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
