And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i love accidental penises.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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