I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
