Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
