I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
