Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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