Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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