Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
