apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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