Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
