On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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