i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
