I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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