i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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