i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
