I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up under a house in Key West
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
