Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize