rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
