I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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