So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize