Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
