If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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