You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
