he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Semen is not good for contacts.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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