You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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