So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
