im drinking this country out of the recession.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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