How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
