I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
