Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
