i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
