Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
