id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
