i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
