No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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