i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
