i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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