i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
