i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
