I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
