If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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