I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
