i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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