if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
