On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
