Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
