Well douche your snatch and let's go!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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