I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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