My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
