You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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