Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're like the curious george of whores
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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