I think I won the penis lottery.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
