he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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