we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Everclear isn't food dammit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
